Nor did I write yesterday...but nothing really happened yesterday at all - so whatever...
except for the fact that pretty much ALL the girls in the department are convinced that Sean is in love with me and people keep coming up to me and saying why the hell don't you have five boyfriends..cause i'm not that attractive people...get over it (this is completley different obviously from my last entry...)
Anyway...here i am today on my day off at 9:46pm sitting in front of my comptuer and working on Macy's Shop for A Cause stuff while also shamlessly and selflessly looking for ways to get a job at MAC, to help educate women in beauty because i really really want to give back (for some reason the quote "to those whom much is given, much is expected" is seriously is just the way that i want to live my life)...and just in general i want to do something tha tmatters in the world because i think that's really what i'm here for...
Also yesterday the girls said i should be a bridal model which i would love to but i just don't know how to start unfortunatley - if it's supposed to be that i'm a model then i believe that god will make me a model, but if not, i know what i'm supposed to do is give back - and that's what my goal is right now...
anyway today i went out to lunch with ruth anne and it's always just lovely when i see her - it's funny because we always talk about the same stupid stuff when we get together but somehow i sort of like it and other times i get sort of tired when we always hang out but what can you do i suppose right?
Regardless we went to vinny T's and i ate way more carbs then I should (But hopefully tomorrow will be my first day back at the gym so i am SUPER pumped for that!!!), but then we went to get ice cream, we walked down newbury street, went to DSW where i went in looking for flats and came out with heels and i met this awesome girl who wants me to do her makeup for her which is awesome...so she said she's gonna call me and make an appointment!! SICK
anyway so yeah - we did all that and then i told her i to get ready for work which i really had to do because i was also supposed to do this girls makeup tonight for her model shots but she never ended up coming in...anyway i wore a white shirt, with my citizens and black shoes and i looked pretty much killer with my makeup and i stroll into macy's and guess who is there...PHIL...oh my gosh i could have died (i sound like a six year old girl right now -i'm aware)
anyway - so yeah i start talking to abby and then he comes over and i give him a high five and abby is going on about mike and how he's being an asshole which i did listen, and then gave my best advice in front of phil and he kept putting his hand like touching my shoulder almost which was really nice...oh my gosh he's so cute but i have to stop having these work crushes i swear...ok - so anyway he was like "she sounds like she knows what she's talking about" - i think he might think i'm cute but i don't know...anyway - maybe this whole move thing was meant to be and maybe it wasn't...who knows - the point is that i'm really happy but my business is doing so horribly right now - it's about to dip down into the negative i know it but i'm trying to keep my spirit up...
i'm not quite sure what i'm doing right now and i'm so into checking my astrology because i so have acrush on phil and i don't know whether i should act on it or not...the other girls were fine with me dating someone in security but dating someone on the selling floor that is selling right across from me - like i said before - what if we break up or something really bad happens - that would not bode well for the two of us - however what if he's the one...oh gosh this is so bad
then i texted mark tonight and he went on and on about this girl that he really liked and wanted to talk to and take out to dinner and get with and i still can't get him off my mind - well that's not true - i can and i can't...i don't know where i stand with him - i keep putting up ridiculously hot pictures on facebook so that maybe he'll want to get back with me and realize what he had but i guess he doesn't want that - either way he's making a big mistake...i was perfect for him and he gave it up - or i gave it up - i still haven't decided which way i want my story to end...
all in all today was a good day - i got ready on the offchance that i would get to see phil and guess what - i got to see phil - so that was excellent and i was really happy and he came over to visit me which was really awesome - no one knows about my crush on him except i'm thinking of telling abby...i don't know...i guess we'll see
either way in a few minutes i'm going to brush my teeth and go to bed and then hpefully finish this shop for a cause thing...i can't wait to go to the gym tomorrow!
YIPPEEEE!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Day 6 - Sunday, August 23
I didn't get to post yesterday because I worked last night until 11 and didn't get home till late and I had to work today at 10:45...so i decided on sleep instead...
yesterday i don't think really anything amazing happened...i think i'm starting to like phil a little bit more which is nice, but my problem is that i can never actually have conversations like deep intelligent conversations with the people that i start to like...i just start saying the same things over and over again and that gets boring...
anyway - today we were sort of talking again and it's funny because like because today he came and sat by me in the lunch room instead of sitting by the girl that he normally sits with, and not only that but we were talking all through lunch...which was sort of nice...i really did like it and i was trying to think of interesting things to say but i never can for sme reason when it's around people that i like...anyway - that's something else to ponder anyway...i guess we'll see what we'll see...
i realized today that i might be somewhat attractive...i've been trying to lose a lot of weight recently and i think it's working and i'm actually planning on going ot the emerson gym tomorrow because i want to start getting back into spin practice and running and stuff like that...so i think i'm gonna go do that early tomorrow morning...but people come up to me all the time and say things like you're so pretty and you're so nice and sweet...i mean to me this is just how people act all the time...guys were checking me out today, people love my hair and it's really awesome to be loved...
but sometimes i just want to be left alone too but even today i was wishing thati had someone to walk me home...and that's when i started thinking about him...again...it's that damn demi lovato song that i absolutley love and everytime i hear it, i just start thinking about him which is really really annoying actually...
but anyway i was just thinking how wonderful it would be if the only medical school he got into was in boston and how he might call me up and say lets get back together and we could walk across the charles and i could stay the celebrity makeup artist that i'm hoping to become...who knows...who knows?
i know that god has a plan for me, and iknow that our ways are not gods ways so sometimes we just have to be patient in the things that we want...and i know i want love, and i know i may have to wait a little while because there are a lot of people that want to love me, but there are only a few amount of people that i want to love like that (meaning i love everyone unconditionally no matter what), but the people that i romantically love...well obviously that's different if i can't get the first one out of my head...
either way - i don't know how i feel about phil...
work is going ehh...it's so funny that only like 2 things out of three always go the way i want but one never goes the way i want...as soon as richard and i started dating Liz Arden took a back seat...as soon as i stopped thinking/seeing about richard, the business started taking off again...now that i'm starting to think about phil...the business is sucking again...it's weird how that shit happens...
so yeah but let's talk about how horrible it would be if i actually dated someone at work...maybe it wouldn't be, but i feel like it would be...you know if we ever broke up that would be awkward, if we ever hooked up that would be super awkard...anything - etiehr way - it would just be bad you know? i feel like mixing work with relationships are never a good thing especially i learned that after dating J...yikes...
i don't know...but it's nice just living life for right now...i'm hungry but i'm not going to eat anything...
and i don't know why...i'm turning to ana again i think because i'm just all alone and i don't know what to do - i just want to be alright by my job - i want to dedicate my life to working hard...
there's this book out that's called 10 years, 10 months and 10 days or something like that, and it's this book about setting goals for 10 years from now, 10 months from now and 10 days from now...
and i'm hoping in 10 years from now i am a huge makeup artist that gives back to women who really need it...i would love to be a celebrity makeup artist, but what i feel like i was put here to really do is to make a difference with makeup to the people that need it...in 10 months, i don't think i'll even be with elizabeth arden (i really hope that i'm not), but in 10 months, I really want to be working either as a freelance makeup artist, or getting paid as a fulltime makeup artist...i guess we'll see either way - anyway that's whats on my mind right now...
and after i finish watching silence of the lambs...
i'm going to brush my teeth and go to bed :)
night...
yesterday i don't think really anything amazing happened...i think i'm starting to like phil a little bit more which is nice, but my problem is that i can never actually have conversations like deep intelligent conversations with the people that i start to like...i just start saying the same things over and over again and that gets boring...
anyway - today we were sort of talking again and it's funny because like because today he came and sat by me in the lunch room instead of sitting by the girl that he normally sits with, and not only that but we were talking all through lunch...which was sort of nice...i really did like it and i was trying to think of interesting things to say but i never can for sme reason when it's around people that i like...anyway - that's something else to ponder anyway...i guess we'll see what we'll see...
i realized today that i might be somewhat attractive...i've been trying to lose a lot of weight recently and i think it's working and i'm actually planning on going ot the emerson gym tomorrow because i want to start getting back into spin practice and running and stuff like that...so i think i'm gonna go do that early tomorrow morning...but people come up to me all the time and say things like you're so pretty and you're so nice and sweet...i mean to me this is just how people act all the time...guys were checking me out today, people love my hair and it's really awesome to be loved...
but sometimes i just want to be left alone too but even today i was wishing thati had someone to walk me home...and that's when i started thinking about him...again...it's that damn demi lovato song that i absolutley love and everytime i hear it, i just start thinking about him which is really really annoying actually...
but anyway i was just thinking how wonderful it would be if the only medical school he got into was in boston and how he might call me up and say lets get back together and we could walk across the charles and i could stay the celebrity makeup artist that i'm hoping to become...who knows...who knows?
i know that god has a plan for me, and iknow that our ways are not gods ways so sometimes we just have to be patient in the things that we want...and i know i want love, and i know i may have to wait a little while because there are a lot of people that want to love me, but there are only a few amount of people that i want to love like that (meaning i love everyone unconditionally no matter what), but the people that i romantically love...well obviously that's different if i can't get the first one out of my head...
either way - i don't know how i feel about phil...
work is going ehh...it's so funny that only like 2 things out of three always go the way i want but one never goes the way i want...as soon as richard and i started dating Liz Arden took a back seat...as soon as i stopped thinking/seeing about richard, the business started taking off again...now that i'm starting to think about phil...the business is sucking again...it's weird how that shit happens...
so yeah but let's talk about how horrible it would be if i actually dated someone at work...maybe it wouldn't be, but i feel like it would be...you know if we ever broke up that would be awkward, if we ever hooked up that would be super awkard...anything - etiehr way - it would just be bad you know? i feel like mixing work with relationships are never a good thing especially i learned that after dating J...yikes...
i don't know...but it's nice just living life for right now...i'm hungry but i'm not going to eat anything...
and i don't know why...i'm turning to ana again i think because i'm just all alone and i don't know what to do - i just want to be alright by my job - i want to dedicate my life to working hard...
there's this book out that's called 10 years, 10 months and 10 days or something like that, and it's this book about setting goals for 10 years from now, 10 months from now and 10 days from now...
and i'm hoping in 10 years from now i am a huge makeup artist that gives back to women who really need it...i would love to be a celebrity makeup artist, but what i feel like i was put here to really do is to make a difference with makeup to the people that need it...in 10 months, i don't think i'll even be with elizabeth arden (i really hope that i'm not), but in 10 months, I really want to be working either as a freelance makeup artist, or getting paid as a fulltime makeup artist...i guess we'll see either way - anyway that's whats on my mind right now...
and after i finish watching silence of the lambs...
i'm going to brush my teeth and go to bed :)
night...
Friday, August 21, 2009
Day 4 - Friday, August 21, 2009
Day 4 - almost a week using my toothbrush and also almost a week blogging.
I'm sitting in my room right now with the fan blowing on me and watching Arrested Development...amazing - it's so nice to have a friday off but i sort of wanted to go out tonight and clearly that shit isn't gonna happen...but my phone is on silent, so lets see if anyone texted me...
and that's a resounding no...great...
So yeah - as i was coming home tonight, and sitting in my room alone i was thinking about how lovely it would be to have a boyfriend and it would just be expected that I see him tonight...like oh babe you get off work at 10? why don't you come over, or it would be known that i would go over to his house...i was also thinking about how i could have had that with richard, and then i started thinking don't guilt myself because i really wasn't that into him unfortunately....and yes it sucks...but it's true...
Anyway - I went to work super early this morning - got up at 5:30AM to get there by 8:30AM. And...I also shopped a lot...I made my goal thanks to Elham...but yeah - i shopped a whole lot and that's probably not the best thing, but i'm happy so screw it and now i'm looking forward to taking a hot shower, using my modern friction from origins and peacing to bed before i have to head to work early tomorrow afternoon.
So yeah - today was pretty cool because me and phil were sort of talking and i sort of hve a little crush on him and i sort of don't but i am not saying anything to anyone. I am not saying anything, because i said someting about the security guard and now it's over the whole gosh darned department...so clearly that's a done deal...and he really isn't that cute/that instered at all...
phil knows how to flirt, and if nothing else he'll be a good teacher...even if he is just flirting with me because he's a huge flirt, which i think he is...but who the hell knows. Anyway - I don't know really what's going on but he's always looking at me...like always and checking me out and stuff like that...and even today he was holding a purple tie and i was like oh phil i like those ties and he's like "really?" and i was like yeah you don't like them and he was like no i do but i like them even more now that you like them! and then i was like purple is my favorite color and of course he IS wearing a purple tie which i seriously didn't even notice. So that was awkward - but i can make him laugh which is ok for me...i just like making people laugh - if he wants to take it to the next level, then great...but if not whatever...
and what the fuck am i talking about wiht taking it to the next level - it's ridiculous because wer're hardly even friends! awk awk awk...
Anyway so yeah we'll see what happens - he might be off tomorrow, or he might not...i don't know...again - whatever.
and then regina again was really pissing me off today because even though i made my goal she didn't want to hear any of the wonderful things that i've done...it sucks - because you get no recognition for all the hard work that you put in, and you get nothing but a high five and an outstanding - which is sort of ridiculous.
so yeah then after shopping and flirting and getting pissed off at regina, I clocked out at 4:30 pm, grabbed my starbucks and headed home and here i am now...
i just really really wish that i had someone to be here with me and take me out on dates and stuff and yes, i realize that richard had that, but i just don't find him attractive... i want someone that i can kiss whenever i want, and do whatever i want with whenever i want...i think i want to just settle down and have a family - eventually, but then when i think about it - i really really love my single life...it's really hard.
phil is a piceses which is exactly what jeremy was - they're sweet and sensitive, at least he was, but i don't know if that's the way that phil would be...i guess i'll just have to know more to find out...i'm going to go look up how to start conversations with people, but after that...
i'm going to brush my teeth and go to bed : )
'night...
I'm sitting in my room right now with the fan blowing on me and watching Arrested Development...amazing - it's so nice to have a friday off but i sort of wanted to go out tonight and clearly that shit isn't gonna happen...but my phone is on silent, so lets see if anyone texted me...
and that's a resounding no...great...
So yeah - as i was coming home tonight, and sitting in my room alone i was thinking about how lovely it would be to have a boyfriend and it would just be expected that I see him tonight...like oh babe you get off work at 10? why don't you come over, or it would be known that i would go over to his house...i was also thinking about how i could have had that with richard, and then i started thinking don't guilt myself because i really wasn't that into him unfortunately....and yes it sucks...but it's true...
Anyway - I went to work super early this morning - got up at 5:30AM to get there by 8:30AM. And...I also shopped a lot...I made my goal thanks to Elham...but yeah - i shopped a whole lot and that's probably not the best thing, but i'm happy so screw it and now i'm looking forward to taking a hot shower, using my modern friction from origins and peacing to bed before i have to head to work early tomorrow afternoon.
So yeah - today was pretty cool because me and phil were sort of talking and i sort of hve a little crush on him and i sort of don't but i am not saying anything to anyone. I am not saying anything, because i said someting about the security guard and now it's over the whole gosh darned department...so clearly that's a done deal...and he really isn't that cute/that instered at all...
phil knows how to flirt, and if nothing else he'll be a good teacher...even if he is just flirting with me because he's a huge flirt, which i think he is...but who the hell knows. Anyway - I don't know really what's going on but he's always looking at me...like always and checking me out and stuff like that...and even today he was holding a purple tie and i was like oh phil i like those ties and he's like "really?" and i was like yeah you don't like them and he was like no i do but i like them even more now that you like them! and then i was like purple is my favorite color and of course he IS wearing a purple tie which i seriously didn't even notice. So that was awkward - but i can make him laugh which is ok for me...i just like making people laugh - if he wants to take it to the next level, then great...but if not whatever...
and what the fuck am i talking about wiht taking it to the next level - it's ridiculous because wer're hardly even friends! awk awk awk...
Anyway so yeah we'll see what happens - he might be off tomorrow, or he might not...i don't know...again - whatever.
and then regina again was really pissing me off today because even though i made my goal she didn't want to hear any of the wonderful things that i've done...it sucks - because you get no recognition for all the hard work that you put in, and you get nothing but a high five and an outstanding - which is sort of ridiculous.
so yeah then after shopping and flirting and getting pissed off at regina, I clocked out at 4:30 pm, grabbed my starbucks and headed home and here i am now...
i just really really wish that i had someone to be here with me and take me out on dates and stuff and yes, i realize that richard had that, but i just don't find him attractive... i want someone that i can kiss whenever i want, and do whatever i want with whenever i want...i think i want to just settle down and have a family - eventually, but then when i think about it - i really really love my single life...it's really hard.
phil is a piceses which is exactly what jeremy was - they're sweet and sensitive, at least he was, but i don't know if that's the way that phil would be...i guess i'll just have to know more to find out...i'm going to go look up how to start conversations with people, but after that...
i'm going to brush my teeth and go to bed : )
'night...
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Day 3 - Thursday, August 20
No scary stories of weird people possibly watching me sleep naked during my night last night...thank goodness...
and because I have to be at Macy's at the ungodly hour of 8:30 tomorrow night for a dumb one day sale, I am going to just give you the highlights of my day today:
1.) made a mango smoothie for breakfast - that was amazing
2.) had a really great day at work - I made my plan for today and made up for my deficit yesterday, thank God thank God thank God...
3.) I've been talking to Phil a lot lately and he's realy nice...i'm playing tough girl so you can all deal with it
4.) I got to see the cute security guard today...score
5.) I am noticing a lot more cute guys in the world and apparently I looked really good today because they kept checking me out which was exciting
6.) Elham got her hair cut today and it looked awesome - very Rhianna
7.) Betty and Johanney are doing awesome in their pregnancies
8.) I'm making a music iPod playlist of nature music for Blanca's facial event tomorrow
9.) Abby and I are becoming really really really great friends and I'm so excited! We even went to downtown macy's after work to buy makeup together and that was a lot of fun - I got a new prescriptives foundation and i'm so pumped to use it!!!!
10.) I applied as a makeup artist to DuWop cosmetics today...I'm feeling confident but happy that I already have a full time job
11.) I had Vinny T's for dinner
12.) I'm scared I spend too much money and I am looking for a second job.
That's pretty much all I've done today...
oh and my ass looked really good in my uniform and i'm training myself to walk differently to accentuate it...
13.) also the emerson gym is 30 bucks a month for alumni and also it's only 10 bucks in order for me to workout for the rest of the summer until september 8. i'm tehere - plus i gt more spin classes...what's up people? I'm so pumped - and i get to use the freaking treadmill...this shit starts on monday, yo...so excited clearly...
14.) I think that's it...so I'm going to be up at 5:30 tomorrow morning and we'll see how exciting that goes...I'm gonna need a shit load of coffee so i'm peacing out...
15.) Regina, my boss, is a freaking nutcase...and she really gets on my case with these shop for a cuase charity things...i mean i want to do it, but seriously...it's crazy
16.) I'm going to start living my life like a forty year old - i want to create a quote that says "Live like you're 70, spend like you're 20/50, save like you're 10", etc. for every decade of age...
17.) I spend too much money...i spend way too much money...especially on starbucks...
I'm going to bed and brushing my teeth (technically I already have ; )
peace...
and because I have to be at Macy's at the ungodly hour of 8:30 tomorrow night for a dumb one day sale, I am going to just give you the highlights of my day today:
1.) made a mango smoothie for breakfast - that was amazing
2.) had a really great day at work - I made my plan for today and made up for my deficit yesterday, thank God thank God thank God...
3.) I've been talking to Phil a lot lately and he's realy nice...i'm playing tough girl so you can all deal with it
4.) I got to see the cute security guard today...score
5.) I am noticing a lot more cute guys in the world and apparently I looked really good today because they kept checking me out which was exciting
6.) Elham got her hair cut today and it looked awesome - very Rhianna
7.) Betty and Johanney are doing awesome in their pregnancies
8.) I'm making a music iPod playlist of nature music for Blanca's facial event tomorrow
9.) Abby and I are becoming really really really great friends and I'm so excited! We even went to downtown macy's after work to buy makeup together and that was a lot of fun - I got a new prescriptives foundation and i'm so pumped to use it!!!!
10.) I applied as a makeup artist to DuWop cosmetics today...I'm feeling confident but happy that I already have a full time job
11.) I had Vinny T's for dinner
12.) I'm scared I spend too much money and I am looking for a second job.
That's pretty much all I've done today...
oh and my ass looked really good in my uniform and i'm training myself to walk differently to accentuate it...
13.) also the emerson gym is 30 bucks a month for alumni and also it's only 10 bucks in order for me to workout for the rest of the summer until september 8. i'm tehere - plus i gt more spin classes...what's up people? I'm so pumped - and i get to use the freaking treadmill...this shit starts on monday, yo...so excited clearly...
14.) I think that's it...so I'm going to be up at 5:30 tomorrow morning and we'll see how exciting that goes...I'm gonna need a shit load of coffee so i'm peacing out...
15.) Regina, my boss, is a freaking nutcase...and she really gets on my case with these shop for a cuase charity things...i mean i want to do it, but seriously...it's crazy
16.) I'm going to start living my life like a forty year old - i want to create a quote that says "Live like you're 70, spend like you're 20/50, save like you're 10", etc. for every decade of age...
17.) I spend too much money...i spend way too much money...especially on starbucks...
I'm going to bed and brushing my teeth (technically I already have ; )
peace...
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Day 2 - Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I'll start before I actually brushed my teeth this morning because something really weird happened...I sleep naked in the summer because it is so hot in my freaking apartment, and yes, I do sleep with my windows open...and the blinds up...in the middle of the city in a basement apartment...maybe I shouldn't be writing all of that.
Anyway - so i woke up this morning and as I stirred out of my bed, I heard a noise come from behind my window and someone almost walking away...I don't know if it was actual walking away, but I saw something black rush away from the window as I laid in bed. I wondered - was someone watching me? Someone watching me sleep naked?
It was weird...It was really weird and now I'm scared that the person or whatever it was is going to come back tomorrow and I'm going to die. I have a good feeling that it won't happen, but you can be sure that i'll be sleeping with my blinds drawn tonight, if not my window closed...
Anyway - i went to work this morning, and saw Betty, someone that I haven't seen in a long time. By the way, I got more sunburned than I thought yesterday - i'm not in pain...but it's definitely painful...sort of.
So betty told me a bunch of stuff about seeing Pipe and also about a fight that she was having with Amparo and what she said to her and I thought that she said some pretty smart stuff. She was talking about all this love and friendship and how love is stronger than anything else and blah blah blah...it seemed important at the time, but now i can't seem to recall what it was...
anyway - we went out to christine's for break and I had a salad, and then we went back to the floor and Regina was there.
Regina is an interesting person because i really can't seem to figure her out...sometimes she's awesome and sometimes she sucks. And I really don't want to piss her off, however, she's sometimes a bitch anyway...but she's my boss and I guess I have to get over that.
Like today for instance, she came in all pissed off at me but after asking me to keep looking at the rest of the charities so that we can set up something for Shop For a Cause because she can'tget her act together enough to put together enough charities by herself because she's always so distracted. I don't know what her deal is but, I feel like she needs to figure it out soon.
Anyway - today she caught me talking to Phil (total cutie by the way..he's very sweet) and we were just discussing her and managers and Regina comes down the escalator at a really inopportune time because we were literally discussing her and Phil's manager mark and Phil scurries away but it's too late, she already saw that we were talking, and she just shoots me these dagger eyes like what were you doing...but I was working! i recruited earlier that day, I already made my goal for the week on Monday...and I know I should be working harder but...it's like i just want to relax (I am slowly beginning to realize that I need to start looking for another job, because I won't be at Macy's that much longer...that's definitely for sure...but it's weird because I just set up all my health insurance with them...so i don't know if that will be affected...whatever...) anyway so that's the story with that - she's bi polar and Abby is freaking out about it...
then Tes went to the hospital today becuase she has heart problems andthe Estee team is under so much pressure from Regina that she was having heart pain during hte morning rally - it's awful but I always feel like work is stress stress stress...i mean i know it's supposed to be that way, but come on people - we're in the middle of a recession...how come we can't just suck it up, recognize it and try to do just do what we can with the resources we have...
i also heard it was horribly hot in Macy's yesterday and everyone was dying...sort of reminds me of Monday night...but that was the night before the new toothbrush so I won't go into that...it's a new three months now
anyway - after that i went to lunch with betty and sat with phil and jack for a little while while we tried to think up boy baby names for betty...after that I went downstairs to impress sonja, the cosmetics regional manager, with a 500 dollar sale i got on monday and also people that i had recruited that came to get a foundation sample...thank Goodness that God had everything going for me at that point, and sitll continues to do so...I believe in him more each and everyday, I'm telling you...
So after that, i came home and just sort of sat around and contemplated the idea of going online - meaning like iChat online...and i did - and of course who did I see there but Mark. It took me a little while to actual chat him, but eventually I did and we stayed on course not going into any relationship stuff. I just can't - i thoght it would hurt me too much to talk to him, but it didn't thank goodness because we didn't get to talk about all the emotional shit...which is fine with me.
Anyway - we just stayed mainly on other topics while I talked with Sean 1, Brian, Nicolette and suddenly Justin Patton Imed me...that was interestingand we talked for a little while about what's going on with him and erica...apparently they are not doing so well so I offered my help to him if needed...
and now i'm sitting and putting together my charity list and stuff for Regina and catching up on old The Office episodes, but I'm feeling tired so I think Bed is going to be my next move...more later...
time for me to brush my teeth and go to bed...
peace...
Anyway - so i woke up this morning and as I stirred out of my bed, I heard a noise come from behind my window and someone almost walking away...I don't know if it was actual walking away, but I saw something black rush away from the window as I laid in bed. I wondered - was someone watching me? Someone watching me sleep naked?
It was weird...It was really weird and now I'm scared that the person or whatever it was is going to come back tomorrow and I'm going to die. I have a good feeling that it won't happen, but you can be sure that i'll be sleeping with my blinds drawn tonight, if not my window closed...
Anyway - i went to work this morning, and saw Betty, someone that I haven't seen in a long time. By the way, I got more sunburned than I thought yesterday - i'm not in pain...but it's definitely painful...sort of.
So betty told me a bunch of stuff about seeing Pipe and also about a fight that she was having with Amparo and what she said to her and I thought that she said some pretty smart stuff. She was talking about all this love and friendship and how love is stronger than anything else and blah blah blah...it seemed important at the time, but now i can't seem to recall what it was...
anyway - we went out to christine's for break and I had a salad, and then we went back to the floor and Regina was there.
Regina is an interesting person because i really can't seem to figure her out...sometimes she's awesome and sometimes she sucks. And I really don't want to piss her off, however, she's sometimes a bitch anyway...but she's my boss and I guess I have to get over that.
Like today for instance, she came in all pissed off at me but after asking me to keep looking at the rest of the charities so that we can set up something for Shop For a Cause because she can'tget her act together enough to put together enough charities by herself because she's always so distracted. I don't know what her deal is but, I feel like she needs to figure it out soon.
Anyway - today she caught me talking to Phil (total cutie by the way..he's very sweet) and we were just discussing her and managers and Regina comes down the escalator at a really inopportune time because we were literally discussing her and Phil's manager mark and Phil scurries away but it's too late, she already saw that we were talking, and she just shoots me these dagger eyes like what were you doing...but I was working! i recruited earlier that day, I already made my goal for the week on Monday...and I know I should be working harder but...it's like i just want to relax (I am slowly beginning to realize that I need to start looking for another job, because I won't be at Macy's that much longer...that's definitely for sure...but it's weird because I just set up all my health insurance with them...so i don't know if that will be affected...whatever...) anyway so that's the story with that - she's bi polar and Abby is freaking out about it...
then Tes went to the hospital today becuase she has heart problems andthe Estee team is under so much pressure from Regina that she was having heart pain during hte morning rally - it's awful but I always feel like work is stress stress stress...i mean i know it's supposed to be that way, but come on people - we're in the middle of a recession...how come we can't just suck it up, recognize it and try to do just do what we can with the resources we have...
i also heard it was horribly hot in Macy's yesterday and everyone was dying...sort of reminds me of Monday night...but that was the night before the new toothbrush so I won't go into that...it's a new three months now
anyway - after that i went to lunch with betty and sat with phil and jack for a little while while we tried to think up boy baby names for betty...after that I went downstairs to impress sonja, the cosmetics regional manager, with a 500 dollar sale i got on monday and also people that i had recruited that came to get a foundation sample...thank Goodness that God had everything going for me at that point, and sitll continues to do so...I believe in him more each and everyday, I'm telling you...
So after that, i came home and just sort of sat around and contemplated the idea of going online - meaning like iChat online...and i did - and of course who did I see there but Mark. It took me a little while to actual chat him, but eventually I did and we stayed on course not going into any relationship stuff. I just can't - i thoght it would hurt me too much to talk to him, but it didn't thank goodness because we didn't get to talk about all the emotional shit...which is fine with me.
Anyway - we just stayed mainly on other topics while I talked with Sean 1, Brian, Nicolette and suddenly Justin Patton Imed me...that was interestingand we talked for a little while about what's going on with him and erica...apparently they are not doing so well so I offered my help to him if needed...
and now i'm sitting and putting together my charity list and stuff for Regina and catching up on old The Office episodes, but I'm feeling tired so I think Bed is going to be my next move...more later...
time for me to brush my teeth and go to bed...
peace...
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Day 1 - Tuesday, August 18
In doing the math, I have figured out that in three months, it will be November 19. A date that seems so far away, but yet three months, or 12 weeks doesn't really seem like it's that far off. I'm thinking now that I graduated May 18. Today, I have already been graduated for three months...and a whole shit load has changed since then...
But I'm not here to reminisce on the past...I'm here to talk about my thoughts of the day, and what occurred between my morning brushing and my evening brushing (which I honestly have not done yet...forgive me, but I'll get to that later...)
It's Tuesday - so for anyone that knows me, they know it's my day off. Because I was in the Macy's breakroom yesterday and I heard them talk about how it was going to be a perfect beach day tomorrow (meaning today, or yesterday since it's past midnight now...shit whatever), I figured what better way to spend a Tuesday then to sleep in and try for my fourth beach attempt of the summer (as in I have failed 3 previous times to go to the beach, and this would be my fourth time attempting...not my fourth time at the actual beach...)
I threw on sun tan lotion, strapped on my bathing suit, boxers and a racer back tank top and flew out the door with nothing but towel, water, my ipod and a few other accouterments. I took the green line to Government Center and hopped on the blue line and headed all the way out to Revere Beach. I set up my area on the sand half way between the water and the end of the beach...and it was glorious. The sun was hot, and not much else happened there, except I enjoyed the sun and definitely got my beach time in for the week.
I didn't really do anything special...I saw a really cute guy that I thought was my Macy's security guard for a moment, but he wasn't really...but he was playing soccer and I was entertaining the idea of going over and talking to him, until this other girl beat me to it. But after talking for about 3 minutes they embraced, and I figured they must have known each other before hand unless people have recently started hugging after only knowing each other for three minutes and meeting on a beach...I watched them for a little while, laid back in the sun and then decided it was time to call it quits as the sun grew higher and hotter in the sky...
I journeyed home and took a shower, trying to decide what to do next. I cleaned up my room a little, and threw on the dress that I had bought yesterday from the store, a silk white dress with black and gray floral patterns - the type of summer dress that makes you say "ahhh it's summer"....or the type of summer dress that makes you say "thank goodness I'm wearing a silk floral dress because my skin is killing me from this sunburn and this is the only fabric thats making it stay cool" (or something to that effect...)
In an effort to not accumulate any more library fees for overdue books, I thought it a good idea to walk down to the BPL and return the 5 books that I had borrowed a month ago...out of 5 that I took out, I only read one, and as I carried them through the heat (even my light silk dress couldn't save me from sweating under the weight of them), I realized that I take out way too many books when I visit the BPL...so I decided against doing that anymore...I browsed around the library, enjoying the air conditioning, looking at a few books that I was interested in perhaps taking out at another time when i actually have time to read the books that I check out...books about the history of boston, autobiographical books, books about musical theater and music...there's so much I want to learn - that's one thing that i have discovered about myself...its that i'm not finished learning yet, nor do I think I ever want to be...
anyway - i went home after that and changed into sweat pants and a tee shirt because my silk dress was proving too pretty for me to sweat like a man in...so i peeled it all off and headed to vinny t's for dinner since I didn't feel like cooking anything, and hey, today was my day off - i wanted to go out to my favorite restaurant and get something, anything, to eat...
I brought the food back to my place, and after eating more bread than I should of (but can you blame me? it's SO delicious), I had a carb coma and just passed out after eating...
I should mention that today while at the beach I was thinking of going to Fajitas and Ritas with Sean and Brian since they're both moving back home soon, and asked them to come with me. I didn't hear back from either of them....I also thought about how the last time I was at a beach was with Mark at Myrtle Beach...that made me miss him even more...it's funny how even just a touch of wind can make you think of someone...
I was dreaming about something, when I heard Demi Lovato go off on my phone..."Did you forget...I was even alive" makes me think of him all the time...speaking of, I really should change that"...Sean heary texted me and said he would be down...at that point I really didn't want to go, but I thought I would get dressed anyway (battling a possible headache), and put some makeup on, brushed my teeth (!), and again, threw on my silk floral dress and headed down to my once favorite hangout, WERS. Being back at that station again always gives me a thrill...it's weird to know that I will never belong there again as I once did...an alumni versus a student...hmmm...
anyway - i waited outside the station for Sean afer telling me that BRock Bailed, and we decided to go to Ryles to watch his friend play piano...
as we walked I thought aout how much I didn't want to go to Cambridge first of all because it is so far out and I have work tomorrow, and because I really don't have the money to go there...but i did anyway and I took out money anyway - because now that Sean and BRock are leaving, I'm gonna have a lot less money to spend when i go out with them :( meaning i'm going to miss our trips to Rock bottom and atwoods...i'l have money then when people can't go out during school and they're all working...for now, the summer is for spending money...
anyway - we headed to Ryles to watch a really cool jazz band "Bitches brew Band" (yes, it's a miles davis cover band of sorts), and we had a really great time - splitting nachos, and seltzer water and beer and it was a lot of fun...
but al the while, I couldnt help think of him...he always seems to flood back into my memory even when i'm desperately trying to forget him...jazz reminds me of him...drumming reminds me of him...music in general reminds me of him...and the only thing i could think of as i watched other couples, was how much he would enjoy this if he were here, and how much more i would have enjoyed it if he was there too...but alas - there's nothing you can do, i suppose...
after a "bitching" time, if you will, sean walked me back to the bus stop and waited for the bus with me...when it finally came, i immediately pulled out my cell phone and began to write...that's my new thing you know - writing poetry on my cell phone when i dont have a pad and pencil around - it's weird but i guess i have to keep up with new technology...plus it's also faster :P
as I sat on the train watching couples come in from date nights and other jaunts, I can only think of how much fun we have together...the stops on the train seem to float by quickly as I drown in thoughts of the way we used ot hold hands and if he still thinks i'm hot...on the walk home from hynes it was the worst: does he still think i'm hot, does he think i'm one of those chicks with doucebag chicks that he has up on his facebook status...i checked my phone to see the last time we talked - it was actually july 27th - i felt kind of proud of myself...but i know it's only been about a week and a half since we texted - so i don't feel that proud of myself...
either way i wonder if we'll ever get back together...my gut tells me that we're made for each other but everyone else tells me to get over it...i've met a few pretty amazing guys over the past six months since we've broken up and i haven't really been into anyone of them...does that mean i still love him? am i waiting for him? or am i just being a bitch and lying to myself...who really knows? if not me, then who? And so it goes just walking home from hynes thinking about whether he still watches the video we made for each other, does he ever read any of our old emails and miss that? or is he on to that new girl whos number that he got...why am i, the dominant person in our relationship, the one that's feeling so left behind...
i guess there's really no reason or explination for it...it's just what i'm feeling...
and now, with the sounds of water being poured outside my window (someone's air conditioning draining?!) and the images of shadows on my wall from the trees outside, I think im' done for the day...
i'll let you know what happens tomorrow, but for now...
I'm brushing my teeth and going to bed...
But I'm not here to reminisce on the past...I'm here to talk about my thoughts of the day, and what occurred between my morning brushing and my evening brushing (which I honestly have not done yet...forgive me, but I'll get to that later...)
It's Tuesday - so for anyone that knows me, they know it's my day off. Because I was in the Macy's breakroom yesterday and I heard them talk about how it was going to be a perfect beach day tomorrow (meaning today, or yesterday since it's past midnight now...shit whatever), I figured what better way to spend a Tuesday then to sleep in and try for my fourth beach attempt of the summer (as in I have failed 3 previous times to go to the beach, and this would be my fourth time attempting...not my fourth time at the actual beach...)
I threw on sun tan lotion, strapped on my bathing suit, boxers and a racer back tank top and flew out the door with nothing but towel, water, my ipod and a few other accouterments. I took the green line to Government Center and hopped on the blue line and headed all the way out to Revere Beach. I set up my area on the sand half way between the water and the end of the beach...and it was glorious. The sun was hot, and not much else happened there, except I enjoyed the sun and definitely got my beach time in for the week.
I didn't really do anything special...I saw a really cute guy that I thought was my Macy's security guard for a moment, but he wasn't really...but he was playing soccer and I was entertaining the idea of going over and talking to him, until this other girl beat me to it. But after talking for about 3 minutes they embraced, and I figured they must have known each other before hand unless people have recently started hugging after only knowing each other for three minutes and meeting on a beach...I watched them for a little while, laid back in the sun and then decided it was time to call it quits as the sun grew higher and hotter in the sky...
I journeyed home and took a shower, trying to decide what to do next. I cleaned up my room a little, and threw on the dress that I had bought yesterday from the store, a silk white dress with black and gray floral patterns - the type of summer dress that makes you say "ahhh it's summer"....or the type of summer dress that makes you say "thank goodness I'm wearing a silk floral dress because my skin is killing me from this sunburn and this is the only fabric thats making it stay cool" (or something to that effect...)
In an effort to not accumulate any more library fees for overdue books, I thought it a good idea to walk down to the BPL and return the 5 books that I had borrowed a month ago...out of 5 that I took out, I only read one, and as I carried them through the heat (even my light silk dress couldn't save me from sweating under the weight of them), I realized that I take out way too many books when I visit the BPL...so I decided against doing that anymore...I browsed around the library, enjoying the air conditioning, looking at a few books that I was interested in perhaps taking out at another time when i actually have time to read the books that I check out...books about the history of boston, autobiographical books, books about musical theater and music...there's so much I want to learn - that's one thing that i have discovered about myself...its that i'm not finished learning yet, nor do I think I ever want to be...
anyway - i went home after that and changed into sweat pants and a tee shirt because my silk dress was proving too pretty for me to sweat like a man in...so i peeled it all off and headed to vinny t's for dinner since I didn't feel like cooking anything, and hey, today was my day off - i wanted to go out to my favorite restaurant and get something, anything, to eat...
I brought the food back to my place, and after eating more bread than I should of (but can you blame me? it's SO delicious), I had a carb coma and just passed out after eating...
I should mention that today while at the beach I was thinking of going to Fajitas and Ritas with Sean and Brian since they're both moving back home soon, and asked them to come with me. I didn't hear back from either of them....I also thought about how the last time I was at a beach was with Mark at Myrtle Beach...that made me miss him even more...it's funny how even just a touch of wind can make you think of someone...
I was dreaming about something, when I heard Demi Lovato go off on my phone..."Did you forget...I was even alive" makes me think of him all the time...speaking of, I really should change that"...Sean heary texted me and said he would be down...at that point I really didn't want to go, but I thought I would get dressed anyway (battling a possible headache), and put some makeup on, brushed my teeth (!), and again, threw on my silk floral dress and headed down to my once favorite hangout, WERS. Being back at that station again always gives me a thrill...it's weird to know that I will never belong there again as I once did...an alumni versus a student...hmmm...
anyway - i waited outside the station for Sean afer telling me that BRock Bailed, and we decided to go to Ryles to watch his friend play piano...
as we walked I thought aout how much I didn't want to go to Cambridge first of all because it is so far out and I have work tomorrow, and because I really don't have the money to go there...but i did anyway and I took out money anyway - because now that Sean and BRock are leaving, I'm gonna have a lot less money to spend when i go out with them :( meaning i'm going to miss our trips to Rock bottom and atwoods...i'l have money then when people can't go out during school and they're all working...for now, the summer is for spending money...
anyway - we headed to Ryles to watch a really cool jazz band "Bitches brew Band" (yes, it's a miles davis cover band of sorts), and we had a really great time - splitting nachos, and seltzer water and beer and it was a lot of fun...
but al the while, I couldnt help think of him...he always seems to flood back into my memory even when i'm desperately trying to forget him...jazz reminds me of him...drumming reminds me of him...music in general reminds me of him...and the only thing i could think of as i watched other couples, was how much he would enjoy this if he were here, and how much more i would have enjoyed it if he was there too...but alas - there's nothing you can do, i suppose...
after a "bitching" time, if you will, sean walked me back to the bus stop and waited for the bus with me...when it finally came, i immediately pulled out my cell phone and began to write...that's my new thing you know - writing poetry on my cell phone when i dont have a pad and pencil around - it's weird but i guess i have to keep up with new technology...plus it's also faster :P
as I sat on the train watching couples come in from date nights and other jaunts, I can only think of how much fun we have together...the stops on the train seem to float by quickly as I drown in thoughts of the way we used ot hold hands and if he still thinks i'm hot...on the walk home from hynes it was the worst: does he still think i'm hot, does he think i'm one of those chicks with doucebag chicks that he has up on his facebook status...i checked my phone to see the last time we talked - it was actually july 27th - i felt kind of proud of myself...but i know it's only been about a week and a half since we texted - so i don't feel that proud of myself...
either way i wonder if we'll ever get back together...my gut tells me that we're made for each other but everyone else tells me to get over it...i've met a few pretty amazing guys over the past six months since we've broken up and i haven't really been into anyone of them...does that mean i still love him? am i waiting for him? or am i just being a bitch and lying to myself...who really knows? if not me, then who? And so it goes just walking home from hynes thinking about whether he still watches the video we made for each other, does he ever read any of our old emails and miss that? or is he on to that new girl whos number that he got...why am i, the dominant person in our relationship, the one that's feeling so left behind...
i guess there's really no reason or explination for it...it's just what i'm feeling...
and now, with the sounds of water being poured outside my window (someone's air conditioning draining?!) and the images of shadows on my wall from the trees outside, I think im' done for the day...
i'll let you know what happens tomorrow, but for now...
I'm brushing my teeth and going to bed...
Introduction...
Dentists and Doctors recommend that you change your toothbrush at least every three months. Since my step-father (or ex-step-father as I affectionately refer to him...) is a dentist, and I used to work with him at his dental office in the middle of the city of White Plains, I often saw exactly why a toothbrush needed replacing. So, I browsed Walgreens the other day, and in doing so picked up my regular Oral B pink Medium Full size brush to replace my old Oral B pink Medium Full size brush. I know ... pretty boring, right?
A thought came over me today as I struggled to open the impossible toothbrush plastic container (why do they make oral health so hard?): a lot can happen in three months...What if I kept a diary or a journal of everything that happened within those three months (and a lot happens in between your morning brushing and your night brushing!) and see just what happens during that time and how much does actually change...
And so you have it...Here are: The Toothbrush Diaries...
A thought came over me today as I struggled to open the impossible toothbrush plastic container (why do they make oral health so hard?): a lot can happen in three months...What if I kept a diary or a journal of everything that happened within those three months (and a lot happens in between your morning brushing and your night brushing!) and see just what happens during that time and how much does actually change...
And so you have it...Here are: The Toothbrush Diaries...
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