Day 6 - Sunday, August 23

I didn't get to post yesterday because I worked last night until 11 and didn't get home till late and I had to work today at 10:45...so i decided on sleep instead...
yesterday i don't think really anything amazing happened...i think i'm starting to like phil a little bit more which is nice, but my problem is that i can never actually have conversations like deep intelligent conversations with the people that i start to like...i just start saying the same things over and over again and that gets boring...
anyway - today we were sort of talking again and it's funny because like because today he came and sat by me in the lunch room instead of sitting by the girl that he normally sits with, and not only that but we were talking all through lunch...which was sort of nice...i really did like it and i was trying to think of interesting things to say but i never can for sme reason when it's around people that i like...anyway - that's something else to ponder anyway...i guess we'll see what we'll see...
i realized today that i might be somewhat attractive...i've been trying to lose a lot of weight recently and i think it's working and i'm actually planning on going ot the emerson gym tomorrow because i want to start getting back into spin practice and running and stuff like that...so i think i'm gonna go do that early tomorrow morning...but people come up to me all the time and say things like you're so pretty and you're so nice and sweet...i mean to me this is just how people act all the time...guys were checking me out today, people love my hair and it's really awesome to be loved...
but sometimes i just want to be left alone too but even today i was wishing thati had someone to walk me home...and that's when i started thinking about him...again...it's that damn demi lovato song that i absolutley love and everytime i hear it, i just start thinking about him which is really really annoying actually...
but anyway i was just thinking how wonderful it would be if the only medical school he got into was in boston and how he might call me up and say lets get back together and we could walk across the charles and i could stay the celebrity makeup artist that i'm hoping to become...who knows...who knows?
i know that god has a plan for me, and iknow that our ways are not gods ways so sometimes we just have to be patient in the things that we want...and i know i want love, and i know i may have to wait a little while because there are a lot of people that want to love me, but there are only a few amount of people that i want to love like that (meaning i love everyone unconditionally no matter what), but the people that i romantically love...well obviously that's different if i can't get the first one out of my head...
either way - i don't know how i feel about phil...
work is going ehh...it's so funny that only like 2 things out of three always go the way i want but one never goes the way i want...as soon as richard and i started dating Liz Arden took a back seat...as soon as i stopped thinking/seeing about richard, the business started taking off again...now that i'm starting to think about phil...the business is sucking again...it's weird how that shit happens...
so yeah but let's talk about how horrible it would be if i actually dated someone at work...maybe it wouldn't be, but i feel like it would be...you know if we ever broke up that would be awkward, if we ever hooked up that would be super awkard...anything - etiehr way - it would just be bad you know? i feel like mixing work with relationships are never a good thing especially i learned that after dating J...yikes...
i don't know...but it's nice just living life for right now...i'm hungry but i'm not going to eat anything...
and i don't know why...i'm turning to ana again i think because i'm just all alone and i don't know what to do - i just want to be alright by my job - i want to dedicate my life to working hard...
there's this book out that's called 10 years, 10 months and 10 days or something like that, and it's this book about setting goals for 10 years from now, 10 months from now and 10 days from now...
and i'm hoping in 10 years from now i am a huge makeup artist that gives back to women who really need it...i would love to be a celebrity makeup artist, but what i feel like i was put here to really do is to make a difference with makeup to the people that need it...in 10 months, i don't think i'll even be with elizabeth arden (i really hope that i'm not), but in 10 months, I really want to be working either as a freelance makeup artist, or getting paid as a fulltime makeup artist...i guess we'll see either way - anyway that's whats on my mind right now...
and after i finish watching silence of the lambs...
i'm going to brush my teeth and go to bed :)

night...