Day 4 - Friday, August 21, 2009

Day 4 - almost a week using my toothbrush and also almost a week blogging.

I'm sitting in my room right now with the fan blowing on me and watching Arrested Development...amazing - it's so nice to have a friday off but i sort of wanted to go out tonight and clearly that shit isn't gonna happen...but my phone is on silent, so lets see if anyone texted me...

and that's a resounding no...great...

So yeah - as i was coming home tonight, and sitting in my room alone i was thinking about how lovely it would be to have a boyfriend and it would just be expected that I see him tonight...like oh babe you get off work at 10? why don't you come over, or it would be known that i would go over to his house...i was also thinking about how i could have had that with richard, and then i started thinking don't guilt myself because i really wasn't that into him unfortunately....and yes it sucks...but it's true...

Anyway - I went to work super early this morning - got up at 5:30AM to get there by 8:30AM. And...I also shopped a lot...I made my goal thanks to Elham...but yeah - i shopped a whole lot and that's probably not the best thing, but i'm happy so screw it and now i'm looking forward to taking a hot shower, using my modern friction from origins and peacing to bed before i have to head to work early tomorrow afternoon.

So yeah - today was pretty cool because me and phil were sort of talking and i sort of hve a little crush on him and i sort of don't but i am not saying anything to anyone. I am not saying anything, because i said someting about the security guard and now it's over the whole gosh darned department...so clearly that's a done deal...and he really isn't that cute/that instered at all...
phil knows how to flirt, and if nothing else he'll be a good teacher...even if he is just flirting with me because he's a huge flirt, which i think he is...but who the hell knows. Anyway - I don't know really what's going on but he's always looking at me...like always and checking me out and stuff like that...and even today he was holding a purple tie and i was like oh phil i like those ties and he's like "really?" and i was like yeah you don't like them and he was like no i do but i like them even more now that you like them! and then i was like purple is my favorite color and of course he IS wearing a purple tie which i seriously didn't even notice. So that was awkward - but i can make him laugh which is ok for me...i just like making people laugh - if he wants to take it to the next level, then great...but if not whatever...

and what the fuck am i talking about wiht taking it to the next level - it's ridiculous because wer're hardly even friends! awk awk awk...
Anyway so yeah we'll see what happens - he might be off tomorrow, or he might not...i don't know...again - whatever.
and then regina again was really pissing me off today because even though i made my goal she didn't want to hear any of the wonderful things that i've done...it sucks - because you get no recognition for all the hard work that you put in, and you get nothing but a high five and an outstanding - which is sort of ridiculous.
so yeah then after shopping and flirting and getting pissed off at regina, I clocked out at 4:30 pm, grabbed my starbucks and headed home and here i am now...
i just really really wish that i had someone to be here with me and take me out on dates and stuff and yes, i realize that richard had that, but i just don't find him attractive... i want someone that i can kiss whenever i want, and do whatever i want with whenever i want...i think i want to just settle down and have a family - eventually, but then when i think about it - i really really love my single life...it's really hard.
phil is a piceses which is exactly what jeremy was - they're sweet and sensitive, at least he was, but i don't know if that's the way that phil would be...i guess i'll just have to know more to find out...i'm going to go look up how to start conversations with people, but after that...

i'm going to brush my teeth and go to bed : )

'night...